Back in November I found myself at a crossroad! I realized that it was time for a change, I just wasn't sure what that change needed to be.
When I moved to Germany, I knew that it would be hard. I knew that I would probably get to know myself very well and that I would learn how to be alone. I certainly did not realize just how hard it would be for me. When I wake up in the morning, I walk into the kitchen and am met by Germans speaking German. I get on the tram or bus and I am surrounded by the buz of people speaking German. I get on the train and yet again, everyone around e is peaking German. I can only understand key words, so it is as though i walk through the day in a dreamlike world. I don't really have any influences on my thoughts beside the things I see or do myself. I rarely have the opportunity to speak with other native English speakers, so my day to day conversations lack a great deal of depth. Nobody is here to question my thoughts or keep me on my toes. I never knew what this could do to my state of mind.
Living in Germany has not only been character building, but it has also broadened my perspective on life. Although I have not necessarily changed my opinions on many issues, living here has afforded me the opportunity to see how other people live and think. One issue that comes to mind is the concept of family. In Germany, especially the former east, it is very common for woman to have children on their own, intentionally. Some think that it is easier to have kids when you are still in school and have a more flexible schedule (sometimes even still in High School). The government also provides substantial benefits for having children and the culture is far more welcoming of bringing children into house parties, and any number of other social activities. As an American, I think about responsibility and the need to be financially and emotionally secure before having children. In the US, we do not have a social system that catches you if you can't find a job. in Germany, you can go jobless for half your life and the system will still provide you with an apartment and food...and more money if you have children.
I admit that I am tired of comparing cultures and feeling constantly judged for simply being American. I never hear criticism over emigrants from other parts of the world, but when it comes to Americans, I feel like I am a dart board! We all eat nothing but fast food, we are war mongers and care about nothing but ourselves, we are competitive, we are stupid and poorly educated, We are all loud and overpowering in conversation, we are all prude, we are all fat, we pop pills for everything and so on. Although many of these stereotypes are true, most of them require further explanation due to various factors in our environment. For example, American's work far more than European cultures. We have 3 weeks of vacation per year whereas the average in Germany is 6 weeks. We often group our sick leave with our vacation time, in Germany you have unlimited sick leave so you stay home when you get sick. In the States we tend to pop some sort of pill to make ourselves feel better so that we can still go to work unless we are on our death beds! We are agressive about our jobs because we don't have a social system to catch us if we lose our jobs. We don't have the same job security that Germans do, so we tend to be somewhat competitive over keeping our jobs. the differences are all very interesting, but one gets tired of hearing constant swings at being "Ami". I am ready to be around other people who can relate on a deeper level again. I am exhausted!
I wasn't sure what should come next. One year of working holiday in Australia? Graduate School here in Germany where it's free? I was really on the fence about these two options when it dawned on me that the solution to all of my issues would be solved by going back to where it all started. HORSES!
On June 14 I will return to the United States. After the 4th of July weekend, I will return to the Central Coast of California where I will go back to working for Gina Miles. I will go back into training and start to build a riding school under Gina's business. I am not only excited to train and work with Gina again, but I love this part of the country and I love teaching children. This time I am following my heart and ignoring reason! After all I am woman, hear me roar!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Cornerstone
I don't think that I used to feel melancholy in the winter. But living in Germany has brought out a part of me that I didn't know I have. Here the rain never really leaves. In autumn, the sun starts to disappear earlier and earlier and earlier. The cold sets in around September and never really lifts again until late May or June. It isn't the type of cold that I'm used to in Colorado. Here, where I am surrounded by beautiful lakes, canals and rivers, the moisture never really leaves the air.
This has been a mild winter compared to last. The sun is coming back a little more each day. I have really learned how to appreciate the sun. I think I understand why people through history have worshiped her.
Next weekend I travel to Barcelona to meet up with Casey. She is spending another month in Paris this year. Rather than meeting there again, we decided to go someplace new for both of us. We also both want the sun!
Work is still work, but things are becoming more challenging and therefore more fulfilling. the house is still a work in progress...or did forget to write about the house?
Ah the Blumenstrasse haus! My flatmates over the past year decided to purchase their first home as a group of three people. They decided to buy a house of 6 apartments that needs renovation. The house is in a fantastic area. We are just a fife minute walk from the famous Schloss Sansucci gardens and castle! For running, I am in an ideal location for scenic trails. I jog through the castle walls and gardens, then up or down the steps of the terrace and later into the nearby forest.
When we first moved to the house we went nearly one month without hot water. Although this would be a problem under any circumstances aside from camping or visiting a third world country, it was especially frustrating during the last month of my marathon training.
Aside from the issues of hot water, the room I was meant to take ended up having a mold problem. While the mold was drying, I was redirected into another apartment in the house that lacked heating aside from a coal burning oven. Ah yes, a valuable skill to have when living in eastern Germany: "how to start a coal burning oven"! I was in the room until November, then I was able to move down into the flat with the kitchen and bathroom and heating!
What an adventure! I am having peculiar experiences in every part of my life. Although I enjoy the learning and perspective shaping experiences, I am exhausted. Some-days my brain feels like it's going to burst. Every facet of my life is stimulating in some capacity. I need rest... I miss my friends, family and culture. But I am strong.
This has been a mild winter compared to last. The sun is coming back a little more each day. I have really learned how to appreciate the sun. I think I understand why people through history have worshiped her.
Next weekend I travel to Barcelona to meet up with Casey. She is spending another month in Paris this year. Rather than meeting there again, we decided to go someplace new for both of us. We also both want the sun!
Work is still work, but things are becoming more challenging and therefore more fulfilling. the house is still a work in progress...or did forget to write about the house?
Ah the Blumenstrasse haus! My flatmates over the past year decided to purchase their first home as a group of three people. They decided to buy a house of 6 apartments that needs renovation. The house is in a fantastic area. We are just a fife minute walk from the famous Schloss Sansucci gardens and castle! For running, I am in an ideal location for scenic trails. I jog through the castle walls and gardens, then up or down the steps of the terrace and later into the nearby forest.
When we first moved to the house we went nearly one month without hot water. Although this would be a problem under any circumstances aside from camping or visiting a third world country, it was especially frustrating during the last month of my marathon training.
Aside from the issues of hot water, the room I was meant to take ended up having a mold problem. While the mold was drying, I was redirected into another apartment in the house that lacked heating aside from a coal burning oven. Ah yes, a valuable skill to have when living in eastern Germany: "how to start a coal burning oven"! I was in the room until November, then I was able to move down into the flat with the kitchen and bathroom and heating!
What an adventure! I am having peculiar experiences in every part of my life. Although I enjoy the learning and perspective shaping experiences, I am exhausted. Some-days my brain feels like it's going to burst. Every facet of my life is stimulating in some capacity. I need rest... I miss my friends, family and culture. But I am strong.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
On the flip side!
Well, I guess it has been quite some time since I last updated this blog. I suppose it's because I started training for a marathon back in May and it sucked up all of my spare time.
Back in May, I decided that I was sick of being openly criticized by the Germans for being "overweight". You see, a certain sterotype runs with being an American. According to most Europeans that I have met, we Americans don't know what is going on around the world because we care only about ourselves. We have an obsession with materialism and consume everything we can get our grubby little hands on. We are loud, errogant, rude, prude and over religious. We Americans are ALL fat and lazy. At one point I said to a colleague that I had a headach. His response to me was that I needed more exercize. Another time I was sitting down for lunch in the breakroom at work. I had a sandwich in front of me with deli meat and veggies. A male colleague told me that I was making a poor choice in food and "needed to go on a diet". Though I admit that many of the stereotypes are true to some Americans, I always defend my country and try to explain the size of the country and the variety of people that live so many different lifestyles within.
Finally, fed up beyond belief for my constant efforts in defending myself, I decided that I would run a marathon. Not only did I want to regain descipline in my life, but I wanted to get back in shape and pull my life back together in honor of my father. With inspiriation brought on by my brother and his recent life changes, I decided that nothing was impossible. I needed to prove something to myself and hoped that I could shove the American stereotype right back in the face of the judegmental!
On October 10th I crossed the finish line of my first marathon. 26.2 miles through the streets of Munich, Germany. It was a lovely city and a lovely autumn day, though I can hardly say it was enjoyable, while I pushed my body far beyond my physical and mental pain thresholds. I admit that I actually cryed when I crossed the finish line. I had trained for 6 months and it was all over. A sense of relief and accomplishment poored over my body and soul and for the first time since the death of my father, I felt a sense of balance in my life. I am woman, hear me roar! I CAN do anything, "the only limitations in life are the ones you set for yourself".
So here I am...27 years old, college degree, house owner, working for a German satellite company, living in Europe, travelling every chance I get, marathoner and lover of life. Now i ask myself, what next?
Back in May, I decided that I was sick of being openly criticized by the Germans for being "overweight". You see, a certain sterotype runs with being an American. According to most Europeans that I have met, we Americans don't know what is going on around the world because we care only about ourselves. We have an obsession with materialism and consume everything we can get our grubby little hands on. We are loud, errogant, rude, prude and over religious. We Americans are ALL fat and lazy. At one point I said to a colleague that I had a headach. His response to me was that I needed more exercize. Another time I was sitting down for lunch in the breakroom at work. I had a sandwich in front of me with deli meat and veggies. A male colleague told me that I was making a poor choice in food and "needed to go on a diet". Though I admit that many of the stereotypes are true to some Americans, I always defend my country and try to explain the size of the country and the variety of people that live so many different lifestyles within.
Finally, fed up beyond belief for my constant efforts in defending myself, I decided that I would run a marathon. Not only did I want to regain descipline in my life, but I wanted to get back in shape and pull my life back together in honor of my father. With inspiriation brought on by my brother and his recent life changes, I decided that nothing was impossible. I needed to prove something to myself and hoped that I could shove the American stereotype right back in the face of the judegmental!
On October 10th I crossed the finish line of my first marathon. 26.2 miles through the streets of Munich, Germany. It was a lovely city and a lovely autumn day, though I can hardly say it was enjoyable, while I pushed my body far beyond my physical and mental pain thresholds. I admit that I actually cryed when I crossed the finish line. I had trained for 6 months and it was all over. A sense of relief and accomplishment poored over my body and soul and for the first time since the death of my father, I felt a sense of balance in my life. I am woman, hear me roar! I CAN do anything, "the only limitations in life are the ones you set for yourself".
So here I am...27 years old, college degree, house owner, working for a German satellite company, living in Europe, travelling every chance I get, marathoner and lover of life. Now i ask myself, what next?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Jetplanes and Volcanos
Volcano ash and a huge workload have left me grounded in Germany since early April. Since my last trip I have rediscovered my passion for running. I am finally back up to a solid 10 km distance for my weekend long runs, which leaves me feeling inspired to take on the world, ambitious beyond reason. I don’t know what it is about running, but it seems to bring my confidence out. It is also interesting to notice how my complacency toward mundane work tasks seems to dissipate and an aggressive side of my personality rises to the surface.
Pictured is a typical German weekend breakfast!
Next week my mother will come to visit. I am so excited for this upcoming vacation, maybe more so for her than for myself. My mom hasn’t taken a real vacation in 13 years and I am looking forward to spoiling her rotten. Assuming that her flight is not cancelled due to volcano ash or the British Airways strike, she will fly into Berlin and from here we will fly to Croatia together. I am taking two weeks off of work, and can hardly contain myself with the excitement of having so much free time. I don’t think I have had two consecutive weeks off of work since I graduated from University. I really do love the European lifestyle!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sweden, Paris, Austria
It's been awhile! It is amazing how time slips by. I have been having so much fun working and traveling that I had hardly noticed how long it had been since I last wrote.In February I traveled to Stockholm, Sweden. I found a travel deal called "blind booking" where you simply enter in your travel dates and it sends you someplace at random. Perhaps Stockholm was not the greatest place to go in the dead of winter, but an experience nonetheless.
I arrived in Stockholm and checked into my hostel, close to the center of town. I couldn't believe how cold it was. The weather had just started to warm up in Germany, so it was a real shock to my system. the worst thing about it is that it was windy and damp. I just couldn't get warm. I ended up spending my weekend indoors. I did a great deal of shopping and walking. I skipped the museums this trip, but rather decided to spend my money on a brunch cruise through the various islands. The ship had to break ice the whole way, but the scenery was breathtaking.
One weekend later, I returned to Paris by train with my flatmate Katharina. My dear friend Casey from high school was working there for a couple months, so I was able to meet up with her. This trip to Paris was far more enjoyable, seeing as I had such wonderful company. We enjoyed sitting in cafes, a second round at The Louvre and many other wonderful museums and walks around the city.
On Sunday, a wind storm crept into the city and nearly blew us over. I could lean into the wind and not fall to the ground. When we first left Casey's apartment, we stopped at a classic french open air market where we purchased fresh cheeses. We grabbed a couple bags of wine, then packed them for the journey home later that evening. We spent the whole day inside, then made our way to the train station to return to Berlin. We had planed to go straight to work in the morning, but we ended up getting stuck at the border of France and Germany due to the storm. After changing trains four times over the course of twenty-one hours, we finally made it back to Berlin. Though we had to call in sick to work that day, we were fortunate enough to have delicious french cheese, bread and wine to sustain us through the journey. I am not quite sure what I think of train travel at this point.
Over Easter break, my flatmates, three other individuals and I travelled to Austria to bike along the Danube valley. We had decided to bike 230 km (143 miles) from Linz to Vienna over the course of two and a half days. Having biked very little all winter and having never been much of a biker, I was pretty skeptical of my own capabilities. Fortunately, I discovered that it is a great deal like long distance running...mind over matter. When you push yourself beyond a certain threshold, it becomes easy to zone out and find a rhythm. It is somewhat meditative and gave me a chance to spend some time contemplating my life.
The worst part of the bike trip was my butt getting sore. At one point, my break started catching and I peddled about 20 km with the break on before discovering the cause of the problem. I was exhausted at the end of that day. The next day, I awoke with a cold and was terribly dehydrated. I didn't think I would be able to finish the trip, but I pushed myself beyond matter and was able to complete the next 80 km without fail. In fact, I had more energy at the end of that day than I had the night before. Now I wonder if my break hadn't been dragging for the entirety of the first day.
We woke up to pouring rain on the last morning of our trip. We had stayed in a bed and breakfast just 20 km outside of Vienna because it was cheaper than Vienna and we could be sure to find vacancies. However, we had not anticipated the rain. Nonetheless, we bundled ourselves in rain gear and completed the last short stretch into Vienna (Wien) where we returned out rented bikes. We spent the remainder of the day exploring the city, then caught a night train back to Berlin. Katharina and I went straight to work the next morning...a little sweaty and smelly I'm sure! What an experience...
Next trip is Croatia with my beautiful mother. She is coming to visit me in May. I am not only exited to see her, but I am thrilled that she will finally have a real vacation for the first time in years.
Monday, February 22, 2010
My Apologies
Sorry if I go for long stints of time without writting. Life has become so crazy that it is hard to find time to sit down and write. I just returned from Stockholm, Sweden yessterday, and I return to Paris on Thursday. What a life! I have lots of stories to tell and pictures to add. Check back soon!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Edinburgh, Scotland
Ahhhhhh what a trip! I called a cab at four in the morning. When the driver arrived, he opened his trunk to load my backpack. I caught a glimpse of his bag, embroidered with a swastika. I felt very uncomfortable getting into the cab with this individual, but nonetheless needed to catch my flight. Suddenly, I looked out the window and started to panic. I realized that I did not recognize where we were going. I started flashing on all the terrible things that were about to happen to me. Then... we were at the Haupbahnhof (main station). It turns out that he took me the most direct route and charged me about five Euros less than any other taxi driver had previously charged.
Leaving Germany in the dead of winter really leaves something to be desired. I spent a little extra money on a ticket with KLM Airlines to avoid flying with RyanAire. RyanAir is a cheap airline that has a nack for having planes catch on fire and charging for such things as using the toilet on board. However, flying on the more expensive airline did not eliminate the fact that I had to walk outside to board my plane. It was cold and windy when I boarded at seven in the morning. The airport did not seem to know how to deal with the cold weather in any efficient sort of manner, so the flight was delayed while I waited for the company to de-ice the wings. Finally, I was off to Scotland for a visit with Angela.
When I arrived in Edinburgh, I was met by strong winds and later snow. The temperature was about zero degrees C for my entire stay. However, it felt much colder with the damp climate and wind. the streets were all incredibly icy and it appears that there are no rules requiring anybody to shovel or de-ice sidewalks. It was like walking across a city made of ice. It was hard to look up and see the city when you're focusing on the ice beneath your shoes. I will certainly return for another visit in a slightly warmer season.
On my first day, Angela and I grabbed lunch at a pie shop. It was a real treat since pie doesn't really exist in Germany. I was sick with a terrible cough (which I ended up giving to poor Angela) and so we rested for a great deal more of the day, then met up with her friend Nick for the start of Hogmanay. We walked to the center of town and met a large parade of thousands of people carrying torches. We followed the torches up the hill where a giant X was burned in tradition, accompanied by the sound of bagpipes and men in Kilts. After the bonfire, a fireworks show was displayed over the city. It was something far more impressive than any fourth of July fireworks display I had ever seen. After that, each night seemed to focus around some sort of fire burning ritual. I suppose that this was a display of old Pagan traditions carried on.
Over the next few days, Angela and I visited Roslyn Chapel, took a ghost tour, walked around much of the city center, had a nice Scottish breakfast and hiked to the castle. We also ate a great deal. It was such a treat after having been living in Germany where the Menus are in German and almost every meal consists f potatoes and pork. Roslyn Chapel was truly a work of art. I was mesmerised by the detailed stone carvings throughout the entire structure. The ghost tour was freezing, though an interesting opportunity to go to the famous haunted Grey Friars Graveyard.
For New Years, I joined Angela and her friends at a traditional Scottish Ceilidh. For those of you who don't know, this is like a Celtic "square dance". A huge group of strangers and friends joined each other to dance traditional group dances with live Scottish music. The music was great and the whole experience was a real hoot. I really hate any sort of dancing that requires choreography because I am far to discombobulated to remember left from right while putting my feet down in certain directions. Watching everyone was slightly more entertaining for me, but I managed to get lost from the group by doing this. I stood in the same place the majority of the night, knowing right where everyone was. However, they moved while looking for me and I couldn't find them anymore. I knew that one of them had seen me standing (at the highest point in area), so I assumed they all knew where I was. Apparently they had walked right by me and we had not seen each other. Anyway, after frightening Angela to death, we watched the fireworks at midnight, danced a bit more and walked back home.
Overall, the trip was fantastic. I wish it had been warmer, but Angela was a great tour guide and her friend Nick was a great pub guide. Nick took us to all sorts of interesting pubs across Edinburgh. One place called Jackyl and Hide was even equipped with a secret bookshelf passage into the bathrooms. He also took us to two fantastic live Celtic music pubs. The first one we entered was tiny inside. The music was varied and the people were jolly. We moved on to a place with more space called the Black Oak. They had a group of ten or more fiddlers and other accompaniments playing Scottish reels and jigs. Being a fiddler myself, I nearly melted in enjoyment. Here I tasted a bit of Scotch and some great hard apple cider.
It was three thirty in the morning when I left for the airport to return home. Angela and Nick stayed up with me since it seemed pointless to try sleeping for such a short time. The taxi driver thanked me for not being another drunk customer and ended up giving me a discount on my cab fare, then I checked in for my flight and had some breakfast. I boarded my flight, then fell asleep instantly. I woke up to hear the announcement for takeoff, and realized that the flight had been delayed and I had slept through the hour wait on the plane. I arrived in Berlin nearly two hours late and made it home to crash into my lovely, warm bed.
Leaving Germany in the dead of winter really leaves something to be desired. I spent a little extra money on a ticket with KLM Airlines to avoid flying with RyanAire. RyanAir is a cheap airline that has a nack for having planes catch on fire and charging for such things as using the toilet on board. However, flying on the more expensive airline did not eliminate the fact that I had to walk outside to board my plane. It was cold and windy when I boarded at seven in the morning. The airport did not seem to know how to deal with the cold weather in any efficient sort of manner, so the flight was delayed while I waited for the company to de-ice the wings. Finally, I was off to Scotland for a visit with Angela.
When I arrived in Edinburgh, I was met by strong winds and later snow. The temperature was about zero degrees C for my entire stay. However, it felt much colder with the damp climate and wind. the streets were all incredibly icy and it appears that there are no rules requiring anybody to shovel or de-ice sidewalks. It was like walking across a city made of ice. It was hard to look up and see the city when you're focusing on the ice beneath your shoes. I will certainly return for another visit in a slightly warmer season.
On my first day, Angela and I grabbed lunch at a pie shop. It was a real treat since pie doesn't really exist in Germany. I was sick with a terrible cough (which I ended up giving to poor Angela) and so we rested for a great deal more of the day, then met up with her friend Nick for the start of Hogmanay. We walked to the center of town and met a large parade of thousands of people carrying torches. We followed the torches up the hill where a giant X was burned in tradition, accompanied by the sound of bagpipes and men in Kilts. After the bonfire, a fireworks show was displayed over the city. It was something far more impressive than any fourth of July fireworks display I had ever seen. After that, each night seemed to focus around some sort of fire burning ritual. I suppose that this was a display of old Pagan traditions carried on.
Over the next few days, Angela and I visited Roslyn Chapel, took a ghost tour, walked around much of the city center, had a nice Scottish breakfast and hiked to the castle. We also ate a great deal. It was such a treat after having been living in Germany where the Menus are in German and almost every meal consists f potatoes and pork. Roslyn Chapel was truly a work of art. I was mesmerised by the detailed stone carvings throughout the entire structure. The ghost tour was freezing, though an interesting opportunity to go to the famous haunted Grey Friars Graveyard.
For New Years, I joined Angela and her friends at a traditional Scottish Ceilidh. For those of you who don't know, this is like a Celtic "square dance". A huge group of strangers and friends joined each other to dance traditional group dances with live Scottish music. The music was great and the whole experience was a real hoot. I really hate any sort of dancing that requires choreography because I am far to discombobulated to remember left from right while putting my feet down in certain directions. Watching everyone was slightly more entertaining for me, but I managed to get lost from the group by doing this. I stood in the same place the majority of the night, knowing right where everyone was. However, they moved while looking for me and I couldn't find them anymore. I knew that one of them had seen me standing (at the highest point in area), so I assumed they all knew where I was. Apparently they had walked right by me and we had not seen each other. Anyway, after frightening Angela to death, we watched the fireworks at midnight, danced a bit more and walked back home.
Overall, the trip was fantastic. I wish it had been warmer, but Angela was a great tour guide and her friend Nick was a great pub guide. Nick took us to all sorts of interesting pubs across Edinburgh. One place called Jackyl and Hide was even equipped with a secret bookshelf passage into the bathrooms. He also took us to two fantastic live Celtic music pubs. The first one we entered was tiny inside. The music was varied and the people were jolly. We moved on to a place with more space called the Black Oak. They had a group of ten or more fiddlers and other accompaniments playing Scottish reels and jigs. Being a fiddler myself, I nearly melted in enjoyment. Here I tasted a bit of Scotch and some great hard apple cider.
It was three thirty in the morning when I left for the airport to return home. Angela and Nick stayed up with me since it seemed pointless to try sleeping for such a short time. The taxi driver thanked me for not being another drunk customer and ended up giving me a discount on my cab fare, then I checked in for my flight and had some breakfast. I boarded my flight, then fell asleep instantly. I woke up to hear the announcement for takeoff, and realized that the flight had been delayed and I had slept through the hour wait on the plane. I arrived in Berlin nearly two hours late and made it home to crash into my lovely, warm bed.
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