Goodbye Deutschland!

Back in November I found myself at a crossroad! I realized that it was time for a change, I just wasn't sure what that change needed to be.

When I moved to Germany, I knew that it would be hard. I knew that I would probably get to know myself very well and that I would learn how to be alone. I certainly did not realize just how hard it would be for me. When I wake up in the morning, I walk into the kitchen and am met by Germans speaking German. I get on the tram or bus and I am surrounded by the buz of people speaking German. I get on the train and yet again, everyone around e is peaking German. I can only understand key words, so it is as though i walk through the day in a dreamlike world. I don't really have any influences on my thoughts beside the things I see or do myself. I rarely have the opportunity to speak with other native English speakers, so my day to day conversations lack a great deal of depth. Nobody is here to question my thoughts or keep me on my toes. I never knew what this could do to my state of mind.

Living in Germany has not only been character building, but it has also broadened my perspective on life. Although I have not necessarily changed my opinions on many issues, living here has afforded me the opportunity to see how other people live and think. One issue that comes to mind is the concept of family. In Germany, especially the former east, it is very common for woman to have children on their own, intentionally. Some think that it is easier to have kids when you are still in school and have a more flexible schedule (sometimes even still in High School). The government also provides substantial benefits for having children and the culture is far more welcoming of bringing children into house parties, and any number of other social activities. As an American, I think about responsibility and the need to be financially and emotionally secure before having children. In the US, we do not have a social system that catches you if you can't find a job. in Germany, you can go jobless for half your life and the system will still provide you with an apartment and food...and more money if you have children.

I admit that I am tired of comparing cultures and feeling constantly judged for simply being American. I never hear criticism over emigrants from other parts of the world, but when it comes to Americans, I feel like I am a dart board! We all eat nothing but fast food, we are war mongers and care about nothing but ourselves, we are competitive, we are stupid and poorly educated, We are all loud and overpowering in conversation, we are all prude, we are all fat, we pop pills for everything and so on. Although many of these stereotypes are true, most of them require further explanation due to various factors in our environment. For example, American's work far more than European cultures. We have 3 weeks of vacation per year whereas the average in Germany is 6 weeks. We often group our sick leave with our vacation time, in Germany you have unlimited sick leave so you stay home when you get sick. In the States we tend to pop some sort of pill to make ourselves feel better so that we can still go to work unless we are on our death beds! We are agressive about our jobs because we don't have a social system to catch us if we lose our jobs. We don't have the same job security that Germans do, so we tend to be somewhat competitive over keeping our jobs. the differences are all very interesting, but one gets tired of hearing constant swings at being "Ami". I am ready to be around other people who can relate on a deeper level again. I am exhausted!

I wasn't sure what should come next. One year of working holiday in Australia? Graduate School here in Germany where it's free? I was really on the fence about these two options when it dawned on me that the solution to all of my issues would be solved by going back to where it all started. HORSES!

On June 14 I will return to the United States. After the 4th of July weekend, I will return to the Central Coast of California where I will go back to working for Gina Miles. I will go back into training and start to build a riding school under Gina's business. I am not only excited to train and work with Gina again, but I love this part of the country and I love teaching children. This time I am following my heart and ignoring reason! After all I am woman, hear me roar!

Cornerstone

I don't think that I used to feel melancholy in the winter. But living in Germany has brought out a part of me that I didn't know I have. Here the rain never really leaves. In autumn, the sun starts to disappear earlier and earlier and earlier. The cold sets in around September and never really lifts again until late May or June. It isn't the type of cold that I'm used to in Colorado. Here, where I am surrounded by beautiful lakes, canals and rivers, the moisture never really leaves the air.

This has been a mild winter compared to last. The sun is coming back a little more each day. I have really learned how to appreciate the sun. I think I understand why people through history have worshiped her.

Next weekend I travel to Barcelona to meet up with Casey. She is spending another month in Paris this year. Rather than meeting there again, we decided to go someplace new for both of us. We also both want the sun!

Work is still work, but things are becoming more challenging and therefore more fulfilling. the house is still a work in progress...or did forget to write about the house?

Ah the Blumenstrasse haus! My flatmates over the past year decided to purchase their first home as a group of three people. They decided to buy a house of 6 apartments that needs renovation. The house is in a fantastic area. We are just a fife minute walk from the famous Schloss Sansucci gardens and castle! For running, I am in an ideal location for scenic trails. I jog through the castle walls and gardens, then up or down the steps of the terrace and later into the nearby forest.

When we first moved to the house we went nearly one month without hot water. Although this would be a problem under any circumstances aside from camping or visiting a third world country, it was especially frustrating during the last month of my marathon training.

Aside from the issues of hot water, the room I was meant to take ended up having a mold problem. While the mold was drying, I was redirected into another apartment in the house that lacked heating aside from a coal burning oven. Ah yes, a valuable skill to have when living in eastern Germany: "how to start a coal burning oven"! I was in the room until November, then I was able to move down into the flat with the kitchen and bathroom and heating!

What an adventure! I am having peculiar experiences in every part of my life. Although I enjoy the learning and perspective shaping experiences, I am exhausted. Some-days my brain feels like it's going to burst. Every facet of my life is stimulating in some capacity. I need rest... I miss my friends, family and culture. But I am strong.