Goodbye Deutschland!

Back in November I found myself at a crossroad! I realized that it was time for a change, I just wasn't sure what that change needed to be.

When I moved to Germany, I knew that it would be hard. I knew that I would probably get to know myself very well and that I would learn how to be alone. I certainly did not realize just how hard it would be for me. When I wake up in the morning, I walk into the kitchen and am met by Germans speaking German. I get on the tram or bus and I am surrounded by the buz of people speaking German. I get on the train and yet again, everyone around e is peaking German. I can only understand key words, so it is as though i walk through the day in a dreamlike world. I don't really have any influences on my thoughts beside the things I see or do myself. I rarely have the opportunity to speak with other native English speakers, so my day to day conversations lack a great deal of depth. Nobody is here to question my thoughts or keep me on my toes. I never knew what this could do to my state of mind.

Living in Germany has not only been character building, but it has also broadened my perspective on life. Although I have not necessarily changed my opinions on many issues, living here has afforded me the opportunity to see how other people live and think. One issue that comes to mind is the concept of family. In Germany, especially the former east, it is very common for woman to have children on their own, intentionally. Some think that it is easier to have kids when you are still in school and have a more flexible schedule (sometimes even still in High School). The government also provides substantial benefits for having children and the culture is far more welcoming of bringing children into house parties, and any number of other social activities. As an American, I think about responsibility and the need to be financially and emotionally secure before having children. In the US, we do not have a social system that catches you if you can't find a job. in Germany, you can go jobless for half your life and the system will still provide you with an apartment and food...and more money if you have children.

I admit that I am tired of comparing cultures and feeling constantly judged for simply being American. I never hear criticism over emigrants from other parts of the world, but when it comes to Americans, I feel like I am a dart board! We all eat nothing but fast food, we are war mongers and care about nothing but ourselves, we are competitive, we are stupid and poorly educated, We are all loud and overpowering in conversation, we are all prude, we are all fat, we pop pills for everything and so on. Although many of these stereotypes are true, most of them require further explanation due to various factors in our environment. For example, American's work far more than European cultures. We have 3 weeks of vacation per year whereas the average in Germany is 6 weeks. We often group our sick leave with our vacation time, in Germany you have unlimited sick leave so you stay home when you get sick. In the States we tend to pop some sort of pill to make ourselves feel better so that we can still go to work unless we are on our death beds! We are agressive about our jobs because we don't have a social system to catch us if we lose our jobs. We don't have the same job security that Germans do, so we tend to be somewhat competitive over keeping our jobs. the differences are all very interesting, but one gets tired of hearing constant swings at being "Ami". I am ready to be around other people who can relate on a deeper level again. I am exhausted!

I wasn't sure what should come next. One year of working holiday in Australia? Graduate School here in Germany where it's free? I was really on the fence about these two options when it dawned on me that the solution to all of my issues would be solved by going back to where it all started. HORSES!

On June 14 I will return to the United States. After the 4th of July weekend, I will return to the Central Coast of California where I will go back to working for Gina Miles. I will go back into training and start to build a riding school under Gina's business. I am not only excited to train and work with Gina again, but I love this part of the country and I love teaching children. This time I am following my heart and ignoring reason! After all I am woman, hear me roar!